{"id":1158,"date":"2024-02-26T22:10:32","date_gmt":"2024-02-27T04:10:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/?post_type=product&#038;p=1158"},"modified":"2025-09-05T12:15:10","modified_gmt":"2025-09-05T17:15:10","slug":"wherever-i-look-i-am-never-there","status":"publish","type":"product","link":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/product\/wherever-i-look-i-am-never-there","title":{"rendered":"Wherever I Look, I am Never There"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>by\u00a0Allen Brafman<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<style>\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t#tab_container_1155 {\r\n\toverflow:hidden;\r\n\tdisplay:block;\r\n\twidth:100%;\r\n\tborder:0px solid #ddd;\r\n\tmargin-bottom:30px;\r\n\t}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .tab-content{\r\n\tpadding:20px;\r\n\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n\tmargin-top: 0px;\r\n\tbackground-color:#fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tcolor: #000000 !important;\r\n\tfont-size:16px !important;\r\n\tfont-family: Open Sans !important;\r\n\t\r\n\t\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n\t}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs {\r\n    border-bottom: 0px solid #ddd;\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a, #tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a:hover, #tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a:focus {\r\n\tcolor: #000000 !important;\r\n\tcursor: default;\r\n\tbackground-color: #fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a {\r\n    margin-right: 0px !important; \r\n    line-height: 1.42857143 !important;\r\n    border: 1px solid #ece8d2 !important;\r\n    border-radius: 0px 0px 0 0 !important; \r\n\tbackground-color: #fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tcolor: #000000 !important;\r\n\tpadding: 15px 18px 15px 18px !important;\r\n\ttext-decoration: none !important;\r\n\tfont-size: 14px !important;\r\n\ttext-align:center !important;\r\n\tfont-family: Open Sans !important;\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a:focus {\r\noutline: 0px !important;\r\n}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a:before {\r\n\tdisplay:none !important;\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a:after {\r\n\tdisplay:none !important ;\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li{\r\npadding:0px !important ;\r\nmargin:0px;\r\n}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a:hover , #tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a:focus {\r\n    color: #000000 !important;\r\n    background-color: #fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tborder: 1px solid #ece8d2 !important;\r\n\t\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a .fa{\r\n\r\nmargin-right:5px !important;\r\n\r\nmargin-left:5px !important;\r\n\r\n\r\n}\r\n\r\n\t\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs a{\r\n\t\t\tbackground-image: none;\r\n\t\t\tbackground-position: 0 0;\r\n\t\t\tbackground-repeat: repeat-x;\r\n\t\t}\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li {\r\n    float: left;\r\n    margin-bottom: -1px !important;\r\n\tmargin-right:0px !important; \r\n}\r\n\r\n\r\n#tab_container_1155 .tab-content{\r\noverflow:hidden !important;\r\n}\r\n\r\n\r\n@media (min-width: 769px) {\r\n\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li{\r\n\t\tfloat:left !important ;\r\n\t\t\t\tmargin-right:-1px !important;\r\n\t\t\t\t\t}\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs{\r\n\t\tfloat:none !important;\r\n\t\tmargin:0px !important;\r\n\t}\r\n\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li {\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t}\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav{\r\n\t\t\t}\r\n\r\n}\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n@media (max-width: 768px) {\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li {\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t}\r\n\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav{\r\n\t\t\t}\r\n}\r\n\r\n\r\n\t.wpsm_nav-tabs li:before{\r\n\t\tdisplay:none !important;\r\n\t}\r\n\r\n\t@media (max-width: 768px) {\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t.wpsm_nav-tabs{\r\n\t\t\tmargin-left:0px !important;\r\n\t\t\tmargin-right:0px !important; \r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t}\r\n\t\t\t\t#tab_container_1155 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li{\r\n\t\t\tfloat:none !important;\r\n\t\t}\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t}\t\t\t\t<\/style>\r\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"tab_container_1155\" >\r\n\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"wpsm_nav wpsm_nav-tabs\" role=\"tablist\" id=\"myTab_1155\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li role=\"presentation\"  class=\"active\"  onclick=\"do_resize()\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"#tabs_desc_1155_1\" aria-controls=\"tabs_desc_1155_1\" role=\"tab\" data-toggle=\"tab\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span>Overview<\/span>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li role=\"presentation\"  onclick=\"do_resize()\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"#tabs_desc_1155_2\" aria-controls=\"tabs_desc_1155_2\" role=\"tab\" data-toggle=\"tab\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span>Excerpt<\/span>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/ul>\r\n\r\n\t\t\t\t\t  <!-- Tab panes -->\r\n\t\t\t\t\t  <div class=\"tab-content\" id=\"tab-content_1155\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div role=\"tabpanel\" class=\"tab-pane  in active \" id=\"tabs_desc_1155_1\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"text-align: left\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">\"The poems in Allen Brafman\u2019s <em>Wherever I Look, I am Never There<\/em>\u00a0are on fire. There is a violence, a wrenching grief.\u00a0<em>This is where I am, he said. \/ It is music, it is smoke \/ coming from my mouth. Or this: my voice \/ no longer words \/ but traffic \/ vaguely in the way.<\/em>\u00a0But there are countervailing things: Brafman\u2019s tenderness; his quiet, patient, beautiful observations; his sense of the tempo of recognition, how things come to manifest themselves, take their places in consciousness; his resolute good will; his ear; his affection for the world. From \u201cLearning the Shape\u201d (a wonderful poem):\u00a0<em>Which one is the leader, she insists. No one, \/ someone says. They are equal and \/ of a single mind\u2026<\/em>\u00a0just could not be better, and the whole thing has a rightness to it that lifts the heart. Brafman\u2019s\u00a0<em>Wherever I Look, I am Never There<\/em> is a brave book. The power, and the art, to be one.\"<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">\u2014Michael O\u2019Brien, author of\u00a0<em>Sleeping and Waking<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>To the River<\/em><\/span><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">\"\u2018We will lose everything we love,\u2019 says Zen teacher Joan Sutherland, \u2018and everything that loves us will lose us.\u2019 In this wondrous book, Allen Brafman offers us a sustained meditation on how we might begin to requite this heartbreaking gift, letting joy and loss play through him with an unflinching responsiveness and honesty, tinged with gentle humor and unfailingly open-hearted. While the focus of these poems is movingly local and intimate, often familial, the implicit backdrop, never insisted upon, situates the incidents and histories rendered here against a horizon that feels vast, still, and full of mystery. I hear these poems as one continuous song of praise.\"<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">\u2014Tenney Nathanson, author of\u00a0<em>Home on the Range (The Night Sky with Stars in My Mouth)<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>Ghost Snow Falls Through the Void (Globalization)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><strong><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-1156 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Allen-Brafman-headshot.jpg\" alt=\"Allen Brafman\" width=\"168\" height=\"250\" \/>Allen Brafman<\/strong>\u00a0has previously published\u00a0<em>Sonnets from the Yiddish<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>Brooklyn 2002<\/em>, a collaboration with the photographer Harry Tarzian. Born and raised in Brooklyn, NY, where he still lives, he speaks or reads several languages poorly. He holds degrees in English and American literature and in Talmudic studies. At one time or another he has worked in warehouses, university English departments, Jewish religious institutions and in a variety of business ventures. He has held a seat on the board of a local parent-teacher association and a national business association. He is still trying to figure out the interplay between the world in which he lives and the world that lives within him.<strong>\r\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div role=\"tabpanel\" class=\"tab-pane \" id=\"tabs_desc_1155_2\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><strong>In Time<\/strong><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Should a starfish<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">lose an arm<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">it grows another.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">A shell gently<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">into the bottom of a hole in the sand<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">close to the surf.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The sand is wet<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and filled with life,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">filled back over with sand.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">This morning I noticed you<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">across the boardwalk<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">briskly walking.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">My father died<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">I saw him everywhere for months.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Now only once in a while.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Uncle Leo<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">I spotted just the other day at the market<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">fingering a can of tuna.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Last time I saw him alive<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">it was Malka\u2019s funeral.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><em>Uncle Leo looks like a chipmunk,<\/em>\u00a0you whispered.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">We held our giggles\u2014<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">a couple of school kids<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">watching the bigkids doing it<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">under the boardwalk<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">out on the parking lot<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">back of the market<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><em>Uncle Leo looks like a chipmunk.<\/em><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">It is just the cancer<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">changed him<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">stuffed his cheeks with acorns<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Crushed gray hat.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Frayed sweater<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">unraveling<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">since the day<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Aunt Sylvia died<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">the summer before.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Late afternoons<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">a doe would come softly into the meadow to feed.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Wary, we held our breath.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">After the service<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">we name the doe\u00a0<em>Aunt Sylvia<\/em><\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and wait.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Aunt Sylvia does not come to the meadow<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">not that afternoon<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">not the next.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The doe never returns.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">We broke camp and drove<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">to the sea.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The way you were walking<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">you were running<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">from everywhere<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">we had ever been together.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">A shell placed gently<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">into the bottom of a hole in the sand<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">close to the surf,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">filled back over with sand.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Arm and arm<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">we stroll the boards.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">All the while you are somebody else<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">briskly walking<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">without me.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">In time, the shell will grow into a clam again.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Time to cross the sand<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n<hr \/>\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><strong>Rivkah<\/strong><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Many times, I have seen this bird, or others like it, by itself,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">or in large numbers, standing on thin, yellow legs,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in the shallows at the edge of one of the salt marshes<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">I sometimes visit.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The marsh I am visiting now is at the southern tip<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">of a narrow peninsula off the coast of New Jersey. The sun<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">setting in the background, an enormous orange disc,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">makes the bird difficult to see.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Not only now, but every time I see the bird, I say its name,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">as though in saying the name I am saying something significant<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">about the bird, but the fact is that when I pronounce its name,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">it is not about the bird I am talking<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">but about myself, that I am the sort of person who calls a bird<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">by its proper name; that through its name, this bird and I<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">are bound essentially together. This bird and I,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">we come from one another<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">~ ~ ~ ~ ~<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">On the outskirts of town, along with the other women<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and the elderly men and the children, my mother\u2019s<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">grandmother, a tiny person with spindly legs, a woman<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">I have never met, a woman I know only from photographs,<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">was shot to death by some neighbors and fell into a shallow ditch<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">half-filled with muddy water. She was killed for being Jewish,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and for a couple of fingers of whiskey. Her name was Rivkah.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">David, my mother\u2019s cousin Neshi\u2019s second husband,<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">told me the date. It was the same day that a few hours earlier<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">he and the other men were taken from their homes to a railway station<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and beaten. Then a long train ride to slave labor<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and casual torture he never spoke about,<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">and a room filled with poison gas he escaped to survive.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Forty-seven years after Rivkah collapsed in the late afternoon sun,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">dead from her neighbors\u2019 bullets, David told me.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He told me everything. David told me nothing.<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">~ ~ ~ ~ ~<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Rivkah was the mother of his friend Leibel he had played with as a child;<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">my grandfather\u2019s baby brother, Leibel. My mother\u2019s uncle, Leibel,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">she did not meet until he was an old man, leading a donkey<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">along a dusty road in a faraway place.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">When the knock came on the door, Leibel went out the back window<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">into the forest. His wife had told him\u00a0<em>Go. Leibish,\r\ngo, they are coming for you.<\/em><\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He never saw his wife or children again.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Leibel, a name that means\u00a0<em>heart<\/em>, a name that means\u00a0<em>dear heart<\/em>.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">My mother\u2019s grandmother\u2019s name is Rivkah\u2014<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in the language of this country,\u00a0<em>Rebecca<\/em>. My great grandmother.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The original meaning of the name is not entirely clear.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">It is sufficient to know the name.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">It is crucial to know whose name it is<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The year Rivkah was murdered<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">was the year of my first birthday.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">David told me<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">forty-four years later.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He told me everything.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">I was forty-five years old<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">when David told me.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">David told me nothing.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">~ ~ ~ ~ ~<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Eighteen years later while sitting\u00a0<em>shiva<\/em>\u00a0for my mother,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">her cousin Sonya shakes her head\u2014<em>To the day he died,<\/em><\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Sonya whispers,\u00a0<em>Leibish never forgave himself<\/em><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">for going out that window. They had thought<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">the Nazis were coming for the men. But they came<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">for the women. And for the children<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">~ ~ ~ ~ ~<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><em>Rebecca went to the well to draw water to fill her pitcher.<BR>\r\nWhen the water saw it was Rebecca, it rose on its own.<BR>\r\nAnd Rebecca\u2019s pitcher was filled, without effort.<BR>\r\nRebecca did not bend. Nor did she labor.<\/em><\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">The bird scratches its toes in the mud, lunges,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">stabs its head into the water, pulls back in a moment\u2014<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">an eel wriggling in its bill.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Rivkah and the bird take no notice of one another, go off<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in different directions. Much of the time, I keep my eyes on Rivkah.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">My younger sister\u2019s name is Rivkah.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">She is named after our great-grandmother.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Much of the time my thoughts are with the eel wriggling.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Much of the time, I am alone in a marsh filled with ghosts.<\/span><\/P>\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n<hr \/>\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n<P><span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\"><strong>Rain Is Always on the Way<\/strong><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Rain is always on the way. What she said<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">pain never goes away. Everything<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">he remembers from childhood, years<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">of reruns of home movies shadows<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">flicker like flames. This is a movie<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">of my father watching us play catch.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">This one almost too dark<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">to make out the faces my father<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">watching us on the Fourth of July<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">wide-eyed fireworks exploding<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in the sky over Lake Etra we<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">spent summers fishing and swimming.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Whenever it rains on television<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">he runs upstairs to close the windows.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He no longer recognizes the face<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in the mirror he shaves in the morning.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He has forgotten the names of his children.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">On the anniversary of September 11<sup>th<\/sup><\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">he shouts \u201cGet out! Get out of the building!\u201d<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">at an amateur video of the plane approaching.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He dreams his tongue is a flame<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">licking at the feet of office workers running to<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">thick windows looking for somewhere to leap.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">He opens his eyes to extravagant smoke.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Once I lost one of the oars out<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">in the middle of the lake. I went over<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">the edge to bring it back. Don\u2019t go,<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">my mother begged. I was gone<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">the boat rocking in the still water<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">behind me. There is no movie of me<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">swimming in deep water to bring<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">back the oar. Or my brother\u2019s admiring face,<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">my baby sister asleep in mommy\u2019s arms.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">All there is that August afternoon\u2014<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">sun ricocheting off the lake\u2014my father<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">not there to watch us through his lens\u2014<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">a poem my mother wrote the following week<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">she read to me this morning in the hospital<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">through vines of plastic tubing.<\/span><BR>\r\n<BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Rain is always on the way, she said.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Always wear your galoshes, she said.<\/span><BR>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: georgia, palatino, serif\">Pain never goes away.<\/span><\/P>\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n <script>\r\n\t\tjQuery(function () {\r\n\t\t\tjQuery('#myTab_1155 a:first').tab('show')\r\n\t\t});\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\tjQuery(function(){\r\n\t\t\tvar b=\"fadeIn\";\r\n\t\t\tvar c;\r\n\t\t\tvar a;\r\n\t\t\td(jQuery(\"#myTab_1155 a\"),jQuery(\"#tab-content_1155\"));function d(e,f,g){\r\n\t\t\t\te.click(function(i){\r\n\t\t\t\t\ti.preventDefault();\r\n\t\t\t\t\tjQuery(this).tab(\"show\");\r\n\t\t\t\t\tvar h=jQuery(this).data(\"easein\");\r\n\t\t\t\t\tif(c){c.removeClass(a);}\r\n\t\t\t\t\tif(h){f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+h);a=h;}\r\n\t\t\t\t\telse{if(g){f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+g);a=g;}else{f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+b);a=b;}}c=f.find(\"div.active\");\r\n\t\t\t\t});\r\n\t\t\t}\r\n\t\t});\r\n\t\t\r\n\r\n\t\tfunction do_resize(){\r\n\r\n\t\t\tvar width=jQuery( '.tab-content .tab-pane iframe' ).width();\r\n\t\t\tvar height=jQuery( '.tab-content .tab-pane iframe' ).height();\r\n\r\n\t\t\tvar toggleSize = true;\r\n\t\t\tjQuery('iframe').animate({\r\n\t\t\t    width: toggleSize ? width : 640,\r\n\t\t\t    height: toggleSize ? height : 360\r\n\t\t\t  }, 250);\r\n\r\n\t\t\t  toggleSize = !toggleSize;\r\n\t\t}\r\n\r\n\r\n\t<\/script>\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by\u00a0Allen Brafman<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":1159,"template":"","meta":[],"product_brand":[],"product_cat":[28],"product_tag":[57],"class_list":{"0":"post-1158","1":"product","2":"type-product","3":"status-publish","4":"has-post-thumbnail","6":"product_cat-poetry","7":"product_tag-allen-brafman","9":"first","10":"instock","11":"shipping-taxable","12":"purchasable","13":"product-type-simple"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product\/1158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/product"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1159"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"product_brand","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_brand?post=1158"},{"taxonomy":"product_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_cat?post=1158"},{"taxonomy":"product_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_tag?post=1158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}