{"id":808,"date":"2024-01-31T10:35:22","date_gmt":"2024-01-31T16:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/?post_type=product&#038;p=808"},"modified":"2025-09-05T12:59:56","modified_gmt":"2025-09-05T17:59:56","slug":"mostly-beethoven","status":"publish","type":"product","link":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/product\/mostly-beethoven","title":{"rendered":"Mostly Beethoven"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>by Ji\u0159\u00ed Klobouk<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<style>\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t#tab_container_807 {\r\n\toverflow:hidden;\r\n\tdisplay:block;\r\n\twidth:100%;\r\n\tborder:0px solid #ddd;\r\n\tmargin-bottom:30px;\r\n\t}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_807 .tab-content{\r\n\tpadding:20px;\r\n\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n\tmargin-top: 0px;\r\n\tbackground-color:#fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tcolor: #000000 !important;\r\n\tfont-size:16px !important;\r\n\tfont-family: Open Sans !important;\r\n\t\r\n\t\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n\t}\r\n#tab_container_807 .wpsm_nav-tabs {\r\n    border-bottom: 0px solid #ddd;\r\n}\r\n#tab_container_807 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a, #tab_container_807 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a:hover, #tab_container_807 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li.active > a:focus {\r\n\tcolor: #000000 !important;\r\n\tcursor: default;\r\n\tbackground-color: #fffbe5 !important;\r\n\tborder: 1px solid #e6e2cc !important;\r\n}\r\n\r\n#tab_container_807 .wpsm_nav-tabs > li > a {\r\n    margin-right: 0px !important; 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He doesn't mind scattering the landscape with bodies.\"<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: right\">\u2014Walter Cummins<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><strong><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-381 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/Jiri-Klobouk-headshot.jpg\" alt=\"Ji\u0159\u00ed Klobouk headshot\" width=\"200\" height=\"250\" \/>Ji\u0159\u00ed Klobouk <\/strong>writes fiction, radio plays, poetry and essays. He discovered jazz when he was twelve and later began to visualize the world around him through a camera lens\u2014he worked in film and television. He created a body of work in which as one critique noted: \u201cWe could feel the rhythm and see things from unexpected angles.\u201c<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">Klobouk\u2019s short stories have appeared in literary periodicals:\u00a0<em>Partisan Review, Chicago Review, Artful Dodge<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>Skidrow Penthouse. For Winter Wolves<\/em>, a story published in\u00a0<em>Mid-American Review<\/em>, he was named outstanding writer in the 1985-86 Pushcart Prize edition.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">His list of books includes:\u00a0<em>My Life with Blondie, Anti-Communist Manifesto<\/em>(1975),\u00a0<em>Mostly Beethoven, Radio Plays I, Radio Plays II, Third Wife, JAZZ II:Parents, Music After Midnight<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>How High the Moon<\/em>.<strong>\r\n<\/strong><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div role=\"tabpanel\" class=\"tab-pane \" id=\"tabs_desc_807_2\">\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Lane pulled his chair closer to the television. An announcer with a dotted bowtie introduced a Japanese String Quartet live from Carnegie Hall. World renowned Toshiko Yoshiko played cello. First on the program was composition No.15 in A minor, Opus 132. Musicians swayed from side to side and Lane rocked his body accordingly. He had to hold back his emotions. Beethoven wrote the masterpiece deaf as a doorknob.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Years ago his mom Sandy bought him a violin. She would have preferred piano but hadn\u2019t money or room for it. She cleaned houses for rich people in Tallahassee. With violin under your arm, Lane, she said, you conquer the world. In New York at 86th and Lexington, you\u2019ll play something pathetic. People will throw creased banknotes into your baseball cap. Some talent hunter might recognize your potential and arrange engagement for you on Broadway. Manhattan is magic island. I went there searching for your goddamned father. Joe blows trumpet in some cigarette -smoke-filled bar. He could play Armstrong\u2019s \u201cBlueberry Hill,\u201d hoarse voice and all. So fiddle, my boy, and show you weren\u2019t born good-for-nothing.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">After Lane returned to his keep, he had to pluck his nose. Eman covered the toilet bowl with his scabby ass and stunk like a skunk. Tonight was the night they\u2019ll pop off. They\u2019ve been in the slammer for fifteen years. Another nine lay ahead of them. They were suffocating like mangy dogs caught in a snare. Lane had filed the window bars for months. The buzz of the file reminded him of a bow sliding over the strings of his beloved instrument. He was twelve when he performed Beethoven\u2019s sonata in the school auditorium. He received a thunderous ovation. He bowed in every direction. Mom Sandy in the first row crumbled a wet hanky. After they came home she said, \u201cAnd this is the road, boy, you\u2019ll take off on from now on.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Lane spit on the file. \u201cBefore long Issy\u2019s gonna fall into my arms.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cYa didn\u2019t bump her off?\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cBe with it, man. That was Betsy. My good wife. At dry cleaners she fished out Issy\u2019s fancy panties from the pocket of my checkered jacket. Shot herself.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cLane\u2019s Issy waitin\u2019 for him, yaknow.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cWe\u2019ll find you a chick.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Lane got used to the halfwit. He devotedly listened to his balderdash. His never-ending chatter about Issy. About his dad in New York. Mom Sandy in Tallahassee. Or, for example, who Dostoyevsky was. Issy never paid a visit or sent him a package with a homemade delicacy like some guys got. In her only postcard she assured him she\u2019s taking care of his violin. Clear evidence she has been waiting for him. It began one Saturday morning when Betsy sent him to the Farmer\u2019s market in Hampston to buy a dozen brown eggs. She was to bake a braided egg loaf. Issy was suntanned thirtyish with snow-white teeth. Her hair was black as Carmen\u2019s. Her farm was less than two miles out of town. Lane began to visit her frequently. She guided him through her kingdom. In the pig stall pigs grunted. In the chicken coop hens sat on eggs. In the barn cows mooed vapidly. Horses neighed in their enclosures. Red-eyed rabbits chewed nettle in cages. In the smokehouse Issy hacked from a huge rump hanging on a hook a delicious chunk of smoked meat. In return Lane played on violin. Her eyes were shut tight. Her curved eyelashes shivered from excitement. An inseparable union of bodies and souls. They held hands. Fire crackled in the kitchen stove. Lane made her acquainted with his life mission. She hadn\u2019t had a clue who Beethoven was. When they made love she whispered, \u201cYou know what, Lane, if by any chance something happens to you and you can\u2019t come, I will take care of your fiddle until you finally return.\u201d After the incident at the dry cleaners with her panties in the pocket of his checkered jacket, Betsy screamed for three days, slept for three days, and when she woke up she shot herself in the head. That\u2019s how he described it to Sheriff McWright. He wouldn\u2019t have any of it. \u201cAfter all, Mister,\u201d McWright said, \u201cit was your gun and your fingerprints.\u201d When Lane told him he wouldn\u2019t hurt a fly, McWright replied, \u201cGive me a break, Mister.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cRosa also bumped herself off,\u201d Eman lisped. \u201cAm in the kitchen cuttin\u2019 onion,\r\nyaknow, she walks by, stumbles over a cat and pins herself on knife I held in my right hand.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cChoppin\u2019 onion is an art, man. You gotta chop inwards. If Beethoven would chop onion, and Antonie Brentano\u2014called Tony, his immortal love\u2014gonna pass by, it could never happen that she\u2019d pin herself on the knife Beethoven was holdin\u2019 And you know why? \u2019Cause he\u2019s genius.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cMine pinned herself.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201c\u2019Cause you are dodo.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cStop callin\u2019 Eman names. Eman doesn\u2019t like it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">It was ten o\u2019clock. Lane blew the fillings off the file. He was about to whistle to Eman a lullaby he composed for Issy. Guard in the corridor ordered them to stand at attention. They have to report their names to confirm their presence in the hell\u2019s hole where they by the order of law belonged.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">After it was over Lane began his futuristic yarn. \u201cLet me tell you, dodo, in no time you\u2019ll spread your wings like wild turkey. Below span bridges, and rivers flow alongside cornfields, baseball fields and supermarkets. Chevys, Fords and Buicks are cruisin\u2019 six-lane highways. Without realizin\u2019 it you sit in one of these posh Cadillacs headin\u2019 for Texas. Nota bene, make sure your tires have the right pressure. With the right pressure in your tires you\u2019ll get as far as Houston, put on sunglasses and try luck in some oil conglomerate.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cWhat about grub?\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cWhat grub?\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cEman gets chew here three times a day.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cIssy\u2019s great cook. Her specialty is frog legs.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">The moment Lane said \u201cfrog legs,\u201d the bar got loose. A dark hole of night gaped into his face.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Eman pulled up his pants. \u201cWhat\u2019s next, prof?\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cWe gonna sneak under one fence, go over another and disappear into a forest.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Eman better move his ass. He climbed the chair, tied up the sheets and squeezed himself into the darkness. Lane followed. They stumbled across the courtyard. The big guy had scouted where the first fence could be lifted. The nearest watchtower was submerged in pitch blackness. They scaled the second fence like monkeys. It bellied like a sail on a schooner. Up by the stone pillar they dived to the other side. They waded through stinky suds. In five minutes they plowed into the forest.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cHere we are, man,\u201d Lane breathed heavily. \u201cEven the Count of Monte Cristo wouldn\u2019t pull off somethin\u2019 like this.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cWhat\u2019s next, prof?\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">\u201cChuck hid two outfits in a tunnel under the road. We\u2019ll dress like dandies and stop a car.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Eman flopped under a tree. He knew one thing for sure. While Lane had Jessie, mom Sandy and dad Joe, he had no one waiting for him. Most so-called parents smacked him or denied him chew or drink. One couple was Korean woman and one-eyed man from Trinidad. Eman liked both until one day he overheard their plan to dump him to crocodiles in Louisiana swamp. That made him wretched. A number of people insisted they were his siblings. One pretending to be his sis introduced herself as Amalie. She claimed she liked him. Then she licked clean whatever he had on his plate. Her next idea was that they make a baby together. When Eman dropped his pants she began laughing she almost fell out from window. Occasionally he went to school. He couldn\u2019t stop gliding his butt. Children made fun of him that he lisps, limps and is short. His teacher tried to improve his language skills by pointing out that fish is not spelled fysh. Eman told him that all he cares is fysh was an animal that swyms in water. He excused himself from the class claiming he had looseness of bowl.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">On way to john he scribbled with chalk on walls <em>fysh swyms<\/em>. He sat on toilet tearing toilet paper into tiny pieces. He blew them in air. They swirled all around him like snowflakes. He never before saw such fragile beauty. When he was twenty-one he met Rosa at the bus stop. He had his hands in pockets. She inquired why he stuck out his tongue on her. He replied if he sticks out his tongue on her heknows nothing about it. She was also a disposed-of child only ten years older. She described herself as manic followed by bouts of depression. She had a habit to ask people on the sidewalk whether by any chance they could be related. Most of them quickly crossed the street. Rosa then attacked Eman with her fingernails as if he was responsible for the rejections. Once she bit him in his nose. He had to seek doc\u2019s attention in emergency room.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">They marched along the bubbly creek. The moon emerged from behind the cloud. Cars were passing by on the elevated road. The stream of water turned right. It disappeared into a tunnel under an embankment. Lane felt slimy walls with his hands until he reached an enclosure. From a plastic bag he pulled out one outfit.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t <\/div>\r\n <script>\r\n\t\tjQuery(function () {\r\n\t\t\tjQuery('#myTab_807 a:first').tab('show')\r\n\t\t});\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\tjQuery(function(){\r\n\t\t\tvar b=\"fadeIn\";\r\n\t\t\tvar c;\r\n\t\t\tvar a;\r\n\t\t\td(jQuery(\"#myTab_807 a\"),jQuery(\"#tab-content_807\"));function d(e,f,g){\r\n\t\t\t\te.click(function(i){\r\n\t\t\t\t\ti.preventDefault();\r\n\t\t\t\t\tjQuery(this).tab(\"show\");\r\n\t\t\t\t\tvar h=jQuery(this).data(\"easein\");\r\n\t\t\t\t\tif(c){c.removeClass(a);}\r\n\t\t\t\t\tif(h){f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+h);a=h;}\r\n\t\t\t\t\telse{if(g){f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+g);a=g;}else{f.find(\"div.active\").addClass(\"animated \"+b);a=b;}}c=f.find(\"div.active\");\r\n\t\t\t\t});\r\n\t\t\t}\r\n\t\t});\r\n\t\t\r\n\r\n\t\tfunction do_resize(){\r\n\r\n\t\t\tvar width=jQuery( '.tab-content .tab-pane iframe' ).width();\r\n\t\t\tvar height=jQuery( '.tab-content .tab-pane iframe' ).height();\r\n\r\n\t\t\tvar toggleSize = true;\r\n\t\t\tjQuery('iframe').animate({\r\n\t\t\t    width: toggleSize ? width : 640,\r\n\t\t\t    height: toggleSize ? height : 360\r\n\t\t\t  }, 250);\r\n\r\n\t\t\t  toggleSize = !toggleSize;\r\n\t\t}\r\n\r\n\r\n\t<\/script>\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Ji\u0159\u00ed Klobouk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":809,"template":"","meta":[],"product_brand":[],"product_cat":[29],"product_tag":[35],"class_list":{"0":"post-808","1":"product","2":"type-product","3":"status-publish","4":"has-post-thumbnail","6":"product_cat-fiction","7":"product_tag-jiri-klobouk","9":"first","10":"instock","11":"shipping-taxable","12":"purchasable","13":"product-type-simple"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product\/808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/product"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/809"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=808"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"product_brand","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_brand?post=808"},{"taxonomy":"product_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_cat?post=808"},{"taxonomy":"product_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rainmountainpress.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_tag?post=808"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}